Sometimes I wonder how many people with an alcohol problem are really just trying to mask a social anxiety problem? I have no data or percentages to give you, but I suspect the numbers are pretty high.

Probably all of us have known an alcoholic (or at least a  “problem” drinker) who  seemed very shy and awkward when they were sober. And it’s no big secret that many alcoholics drink in order to self-medicate some personal issue. I recently spoke to two recovering alcoholics who both told me they felt unable to cope with many social situations without a drink. And sadly,  it wasn’t the first time I’ve heard that remark.

Of course, the trouble is that people who drink to self-medicate an anxiety problem just trade one bad situation for another that is even worse.  Alcohol is sometimes called a “social lubricant,” and as such, it probably helps some people to evade the symptoms of social anxiety — in the very short term.

But in the long run, alcohol is no cure for social anxiety. You have to deal with the root causes to get some relief. The control issues that are behind most types of anxiety are also present in social anxiety. In my experience, the solution is the same.

The EasyCalm Series is the only anxiety method I am aware of to directly deal with these control issues, making anxiety much less likely to occur in the first place. If you haven’t watched the free introduction video for the series yet, check it out on the EasyCalm homepage.

And it’s 1000x better than risking becoming an alcoholic just to deal with normal social situations! =)

~Jon

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A lot of people are shy, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they have social anxiety. So what is the difference between the two? One of my clients once referred to social anxiety as “shyness on steroids”(haha).  But here’s how I break it down:

Shyness is a personality trait that some people have. There’s nothing wrong with it at all, and in fact, it’s a very endearing quality in many people–as long as they accept themselves as they are and don’t try to fight against their nature.

(by the way, if you are shy and have trouble accepting yourself as you are, I HIGHLY recommend The Fire Breathing Introvert Series).

But social anxiety is NOT shyness. It is NOT a reluctance to speak up or tendency to be somewhat introverted. It is an anxiety condition that is triggered by social interaction. The difference between these two concepts is vast. For example, many social anxiety sufferers experience real physical symptoms –rapid heart rate, aches and pains, trouble breathing, mental “fog,” shaking, blushing, feeling weak or faint, or even chest pain and heart attack-like symptoms.

Of course, not everyone who experiences social anxiety will have physical symptoms like these, but many do. For others, the symptoms are primarily emotional, but they still tend to be severe, painful and debilitating. In other words, social anxiety prevents you from living a normal life. Shy people can function in society, at work, etc, where social anxiety sufferers often find these same everyday situations almost impossible to deal with.

The EasyCalm Series has helped hundreds of people with social anxiety over the years, and our add-on series called “Social Strategies” is also a great help to many. Check it out here: http://www.easycalm.com/social.htm

Jon

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Introducing the Fire Breathing Introvert! We’ve been pretty busy this year working on new programs. Now we’re rolling out the first of these, a video/audio coaching series called ‘The Fire Breathing Introvert. It’s a specialized coaching series aimed specifically at introverts, and includes tons of techniques, demonstrations and coaching sessions to make sure that introverts not only survive in the world of extroverts, but also THRIVE out there!

Watch the video on the homepage to learn more about what the FBI series (as I call it) can offer you! I think you’ll be impressed: www.firebreathingintrovert.com

AND…The FBI Coaching series marks the very first time I’ve demonstrated ‘The Hemisphere Techniques” to the public. The Hemisphere techniques are a series of physical NLP ‘tricks’ for making very rapid changes in self-esteem, and socializing. These little beauties have been very well received by my coaching clients. Now you can try them too. Check  out @ www.firebreathingintrovert.com

And before I forget,  Follow Me on Twitter!  Come’on,  join the conversation already! What’s the matter with ya!

Take care!
Jon

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A question that comes up pretty often is, “How do I know if I have social anxiety or if I’m just a shy person?” The fact is, even though there are clear differences between the two, it is often difficult for someone to tell when they are trying to “evaluate” their own situation.

In fact, shyness can appear very similar (or even identical) to social anxiety on the outside, but on the inside, a very different process is taking place.

Social anxiety produces a feeling of being “attacked.” Everyone with SA will recognize the feeling I’m talking about-it’s not just the feeling of being uncomfortable around people; it makes you feel that you must immediately defend yourself in some way, often by getting out of the situation ASAP!

Shyness, on the other hand, doesn’t produce the same “fight or flight” feelings around people. I once heard it described this way: “Shyness can make you feel uneasy around people, but it usually doesn’t physically hurt you-social anxiety can actually be painful to endure!”

The irony is, even though shyness and social anxiety are quite different, they are both based on habits we fall into, and they can both be eliminated by beginning to change these habits.

It strikes some people as odd when I tell them that they are shy or they have social phobia because they have “fallen into” habits that cause them to feel that way. But it’s absolutely true. The habits that produce these feelings (and other anxiety and panic attack feelings) are all based on where and how you focus your attention. That’s right: what you give your attention to will determine whether you suffer with the problems or not.

The worst of these habits is focusing inward. Just like everything else in our lives, focusing inward excessively is a learned and self-perpetuating habit; the more you focus inward, the more it becomes your habitual way of responding to life and the stronger the habit gets.

Of course, the problem with kicking an old habit is it tends to be difficult (the ex-smokers among us can certainly vouch for that). That’s why programs like the EasyCalm Coaching Series and the Social Strategies don’t actually ask you to “drop” any of the habits you currently have. Instead, they ask you to start a few new habits that will “block” the old ones.

The key is to add new habits, not to try to eliminate the ones you have. EasyCalm and Social Strategies are two methods that are both based on this method of eliminating anxiety-but the fact is, everyone who successfully overcomes anxiety problems (and even shyness) uses this method-even if they are not aware of it.

 Jon Mercer, MA
www.easycalm.com

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