I recently received an email from an social anxiety sufferer who was making progress using the EasyCalm Series, but was still struggling a bit to “let go” and overcome the control issues that are always present with anxiety(especially social anxiety).  To protect the writer’s privacy, I will call her “Meg” for the purposes of this post. I have included my response to Meg’s question below, because it may be useful to others who are just starting out with EasyCalm.

If you haven’t tried the EasyCalm method yet, a few parts of this reply may seem a bit confusing, but I think there are also points that can help anyone, regardless of how far along they are in overcoming their anxiety (social anxiety or otherwise), or which method they choose to use.

Below is my original reply to “Meg’s” question about struggling to overcome social anxiety:

Dear “Meg,”

The most important point in using the EasyCalm series is to start really small–do NOT expect too much of yourself at first. I am serious about this–you can start as small as you want–it really doesn’t matter as long as you follow the method. Setting small goals like just being in the presence of strangers for 30 secs or a minute is absolutely fine; you can always build up from there.

If you are getting exhausted or feel like you are struggling, you are no doubt setting your goals too large–too soon. This is one of the worst things you can do because it will re-confirm the old negative patterns and social fears you already have. It is far better to start extremely small and build up a pattern of success that you can continue to build upon. They say “success breeds more success, and failure only breeds more failure.” This is especially true with issues like “control” and social anxiety.

A tool I have often used with coaching clients is a simple logic statement that goes like this:

“The more you__________, the more you WILL ___________. “ Whatever action you place in the first blank always goes in the second blank as well.

Some examples:

“The more you worry, the more you WILL worry.” (because it becomes your habitual way of reacting)
“The more you fail, the more you WILL fail.”

“The more you feel good, the more you WILL feel good.”

“The more you let go and relax, the more you WILL let go and relax.”

This tool sounds incredibly simple, and because of this, it may seem difficult to take seriously at first. However, if you will keep this logic statement in mind as you go through your day, it will keep you mentally on the right path, and you can concentrate on building ”patterns of success,” no matter how small. And of course, “The more you succeed (at anything), the more you WILL succeed.”

One more simple tip for social anxiety: try “loaded question” affirmations before you go into a stressful situation. Using an affirmation like “I feel calm around people,” doesn’t work for many people, because the mind rejects the statement outright. But if you calmly and repetitively ask yourself questions like, “Why am I always so calm around people?” — “what makes me so relaxed with people?” and then really allow your mind to search for answers to this question, it bypasses the critical, skeptical part of the mind and is more easily accepted.

One of my clients had great success asking “What makes me such a calm, laid-back person?” and  “Why do people love me so much?” and then meditating on the possible answers to these questions. Repeating these questions slowly and calmly for 5-10 minutes before a social situation produced very noticeable positive changes. I highly recommend it for anyone dealing with social anxiety. It can be more effective than you might think!

Wishing you all the very best,
Jon

Jon Mercer, MA
Personal Development Coach
http://www.easycalm.com/
http://www.easycalm.com/social.htm
http://www.cafepress.com/socialskills.81169853
Managing Director, Youniverse LLC

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!

Anxiety attack symptoms come in many different “flavors.” Some people experience shortness of breath. Others have “pins and needles” type sensations in their arms or legs. Still others have chest pains, obsessive yawning or an upset stomach. Symptoms of anxiety attacks can take on many different forms, but they all have something in common: they represent an imbalance in lifestyle and personal habits.

 The fact is, anxiety attacks are not a “condition” exactly. Anxiety (and the many different anxiety attack symptoms that they produce) is a clear signal that our lives have gotten out of balance. I’m not talking about some new age type of “balance,” but rather, that plain old common-sense type of balance that keeps us healthy and in good spirits.

For example, if you begin eating a diet of sugary sweets on a daily basis, this habit will have very real physical affects on your body, and you will soon notice “symptoms” like weight gain, poor complexion, trouble sleeping, etc. In the same way, if your develop unhealthy “thinking habits,” you may begin to notice anxiety attack symptoms like those mentioned above.

We all know that practicing healthy eating habits is important in order to stay healthy, but many times we forget that practicing healthy  thinking habits is just as important to stay emotionally healthy. When we fill our mind with “toxins” like worry, drama, and conflict, we are simply inviting anxiety attack symptoms to flare up.

Watch the free NO-anxiety video at EasyCalm.com

And while it is true that some degree of worry, drama and conflict is inherently a part of life, the truth is, most of us add additional (and unnecessary) stress in our lives by watching high-drama fueled television shows, reading depressing books, and even by listening to deafest and dis-empowering music.

Right about now, you may be thinking, “yeah but Jon, everyone watches those TV shows and reads those books and listens to that music. How bad can it be when everyone I know is doing it, and most of them seem to be getting along just fine?”

To this question, I would have to answer, “there’s a very good chance most of them aren’t getting along just fine.” Anxiety attack symptoms are something very few people are willing to talk about openly–even to close friends and family. I cannot count the number of people who have emailed me about anxiety symptoms who admitted they have never told another living soul about the problem.

The “official” statistics indicate that anxiety attacks are a HUGE public health issue; nearly an epidemic. But the “official” statistics only tell a small part of the story. With so many people hiding their anxiety from the world, we may never know the true numbers or what percentage of society actually suffers with anxiety attacks. Some experts speculate that it is well above 50%! Think about that for a moment…

Anxiety attack symptoms are often confusing and misdiagnosed. And the fact that so many people hide them only make the problem worse, and cause suffers to feel alone, isolated, “weird” or inferior. And it is all so unnecessary.

Anxiety attacks can be lessened and overcome altogether by following a straight-forward plan of gradually changing your daily thinking habits. It is not an overnight solution (it can take a few weeks or even a month to see good results), but it is the ONLY way I personally have found to make lasting change and overcome this nonsense once and for all. The EasyCalm Series explains all these points in great detail, but for now I want to leave you with 3 simple “lifestyle” tips that will help lesson the frequency and severity of anxiety attacks symptoms:

1. Turn off the TV, or at least the high-drama and conflict shows (yes, I know they are exciting, but they are NOT good for your state of mind).

2. DO NOT (under any circumstances) watch the news or read a newspaper every day. Once a week is enough to stay informed, and even then, DO NOT get bogged down with horrible or depressing stories.

3. Practice gratitude as a way of life. Make it a point to think about what you are grateful for every day. This trains your mind to work in a different way, to focus on what you want, NOT what you don’t want (like anxiety attacks). The effects of this simple practice are accumulative, and can change your life significanly for the better. If you’re skeptical, that’s fine. Just try it for 3 weeks and then email me and tell me if your life got better or worse as a result (I already know the answer to that one).

Take Care!
Jon

Jon Mercer
Personal Development Coach
www.easycalm.com

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!