Some of us tend to be mental “pack rats.” We find it really hard to let go of anything, so we just keep accumulating more and more “baggage” in our lives. We may hold on to childhood disappointments or injustices from 20 years ago, or a rude comment by a  co-worker from last week. 

But you know, over time the baggage we carry around begins to get heavy, weighing us down and reducing our efficiency at dealing with the normal ups and downs of life. Sometimes our “baggage” is even toxic: old resentments, guilt, anger or fear can continue to poison our state of mind long after the moment is gone.

But why do we do it? Why would we knowingly hold on to old hurts and allow them to continue hurting us today? The answer, I believe, is “security.” With time, our old baggage becomes comfortable to us, like an old worn out security blanket that we just can’t seem to let go of. It may be ugly, smelly and impractical,  but it is “ours.”

Sometimes we’ve just never considered the negative impact our baggage is having, or the up-side of letting it go. Holding on to past hurts is a major cause of anxiety and stress, and the strain eventually takes it’s toll on both our body and mind. None of us can afford the high price of carrying this stuff around.

The Monkey and the Jar

Have you ever seen a wildlife documentary about how they trap monkeys in Africa? Basically, they lay out dozens of  glass jars with narrow necks along the ground and fill them with ripe bananas. The monkeys spot the jar and reach inside to  grab the bananas. The trick is, the monkeys can only remove their arm from the jar by letting go of the bananas, which they flatly refuse to do! In other words, they trap themselves because of their unwillingness to let go. Does any of this sound familiar?

The past is gone. Are you holding on to the ”bananas,” while keeping yourself trapped in a world of pain or resentment that no longer exists? I know that I did for many years, and it poisoned many of my relationships, and created great anxiety and disappointment in my life. And you know what? I did it all to myself–just like the monkeys who refuse to let go of the bananas in the jars.

What can you let go of today? What no longer serves you in your life? I’ll leave you with a true nugget of wisdom from reknown psychologist and author Elliot Aronson:

“Our problem in life is NOT that we can’t remember, or get to the core of old issues. Our real problem is that we cannot forget.”

 Amen to that…

Take Care,
Jon

Jon Mercer, MA
Personal Development Coach
www.easycalm.com

Personal Coaching Enqueries? Email: coaching@easycalm.com

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A client told me about his recent experience crossing a very narrow and high bridge near Washington DC (and I’m pretty sure I know which bridge he meant!). He described a terrifying fear that caused his heart to pound, his hands to shake, and covered him in sweat in just a few short minutes.

 Anxiety while driving is, unfortunately, becoming more and more common. Faster-paced traffic (80+ MPH), and seemingly endless construction on many major roads have left many people afraid of even their daily commute to work. And driving anxiety is not only the feeling of “impending doom” that so many people describe, it can also cause real and even painful physical symptoms.

I too have personal experience with this problem. The first “real” panic attack I ever had was on I285 around Atlanta. I actually pulled over on the roadside and got out of the car (not advisable beside a major freeway!) The only way I could describe the feeling was “like being trapped.” 

I’ve learned to deal with these anxious moments quite well these days, and one thing I’ve learned for sure: anxiety while driving is mostly about what else is going on in your life–not just when you’re in a car.

Anxiety while driving is a “textbook” example of anxiety and panic attacks being caused by “control issues.” That’s why programs like the EasyCalm Anxiety Coaching Videos spend so much time on this subject and include specific exercises to help you ”let go” of this obsessive reaching for control that causes most anxiety problems.

If you’re feeling fearful or anxious on the road, take heart; you’re not alone, and there is help available.

 Step one: talk to someone about the issue.

Step two, ease up on yourself–resist the temptation to “connect the dots” and assume your problem is worse than it actually is.

Step three: get help from someone who has been there. Obviously I recommend EasyCalm for this step, but if you can find a good counselor or therapist with anxiety/panic attack experience, that can be very helpful too.

Driving anxiety doesn’t have to become a “permanent fixture” in your life. You can overcome this just as you would any other anxiety issue–by learning to deal with your “control issues.”  And as always, the most important action is the one you take right now.

Take care,

Jon Mercer, MA
www.easycalm.com

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 I was recently invited to try two of the most popular ”brainwave entrainment” programs on the market: Neuroprogrammer 2, and Quantum Mind Power, so I’m writing this post as a kind of mini-review to describe my feelings and results with each of them.

The technology at work behind both of these programs is called “brainwave entrainment.” The aim is to actually change the frequency of the electronic impulses in the brain, creating a relaxed, positive state of mind with a healthy feeling of “well being.” 

The ”entrainment” effect is created with the use of sound, so the user sits comfortably using  headphones and simply listens (no meditation or visualization is necessary). The sound produced varies, but is often a type of low frequency “swooshing” sound, also known as ”binaural beats,” These sounds create the alpha and delta wave patterns associated with relaxation and general feelings of “well being.”

The research is very clear that brainwave entrainment technology does have an affect, so that’s not really the issue. The real question is, how well do these two programs utilize this technology and what are their practical results. In other words, “what difference will they make in your life?” Let’s find out…

The first program I tried was Quantum Mind Power. My first reaction was that QMP was a bit expensive and I wasn’t thrilled about their (seriously too long) sales page, so unfortunately, I probably already had a negative view of it before I even got started.

But I strapped on the headphones to give it a try anyway (remember to ALWAYS use headphones with these programs!). In just a few minutes, one thing became very clear:  this thing definitely has an effect.  There was a noticeable shift in my thought processes and the way I “felt” that is difficult to explain. I tried describing it to a friend, and the only word I could come up with was “clear.”

But it was an oddly enjoyable sensation, and it made me want to continue listening to it.  I felt relaxed, but alert and somehow “healthier” than normal (I don’t quite understand this feeling, as I’m really healthy guy anyway, but it’s the only word that comes to mind).

Overall verdict: weird, unusual, but extremely relaxing and enjoyable.

The second program tried was Neuroprogrammer 2. I had heard pretty good things about it beforehand, so I was expecting I would enjoy this one as well, but surprisingly, it didn’t go as well as I expected.

At first I noticed nothing at all. But after about 7-8 minutes I began to feel a bit anxious…uneasy. A few minutes later I began feeling dizzy and slightly nauseous. After 11 minutes or so I couldn’t take it any more and had to take off the headphones. Once I stopped, the dizziness and nausea faded away very quickly, and in less that two minutes I was back to normal.

Now, I want to state for the record that my results with NP2 could have been unique, and other people may have far greater luck using it. But after my experience,  I personally wouldn’t try it again.

Overall verdict:I couldn’t honestly recommend Neuroprogrammer. Perhaps it was just too “intense” for me?

Summary:

I would recommend trying the free demo of Quantum Mind Power. I’m not wild about their sales page (kinda cheesy) but QMP did have an incredibly positive impact on me. TIP: if you scroll all the way to the bottom of their sales page (which is waaaay too long ), there’s a link to sign up and get a free demo. The demo is not nearly as effective as the actual program, but it does give you some of the same feelings I mentioned earlier.

Make sure you use headphones!!

Take Care,
Jon

Jon Mercer, MA
Personal Development Coach
www.easycalm.com

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Who is responsible for our troubles in life? It might sound harsh, but to a very great extent, we are.

Learning to accept responsibility for our circumstances (without blame or judgement) is an important part of changing those circumstances.

It is almost second nature for most of us to look outside ourselves when things go wrong. And usually that means finding someone or something else to blame — but this overlooks one really critical fact:

While it is true that your environment effects you, it is equally true that you can (and do) effect your environment. This power to change, to create a different reality than existed 10 seconds ago is something we often take for granted, but it holds enormous power.

For example, if you really wanted to, you could get up right now and go call someone you haven’t spoken to in a long time; or start singing some ridiculous childrens song (”I love you–you love me…”); or go draw a smiley face on your bathroom mirror with shaving cream.

You could do any of these things or a zillion others in the next 120 seconds, and in doing so you would have created a situation and a feeling that did not exist a few minutes ago. You have this incredible power to create change in your actions, perceptions and beliefs at the drop of a hat! All humans do–it’s something we are really good at.

But when it comes to dealing with troubles, sometimes we forget how easily change comes to us. We forget we are the most adaptable creatures that have ever lived; and not only are we made for change, we actually thrive on it.

Many people have a habit of telling themselves “I can’t.” That’s their “story,” and they’re sticking to it. It’s a story in which we become a “victim” of the world around us, not creators of it (which is what we actually are). But this amazing power to change that we we’re born with makes it easy to develop a new story. And that’s what changing your life is all about: telling yourself a “new story.”

You can begin with your story about you–who you are? A coaching client recently told me she would be dismayed if anyone talked to her the way she talked to herself. Realizing this fact was a big step in the right direction. Taking responsibility for the “story” you tell yourself is always a step toward improving you life.

Do you “see” yourself” as the person you want to be? If not, why not? Are you waiting for some magic day, when all the elements are in place, and you are doing exactly the right things, and then…you’ll see yourself as pretty cool? That’s just doing things backwards. You cannot reasonably expect to do something you can’t “see” yourself doing.

Likewise, you cannot reasonably expect to “be” someone that you cannot “see” yourself being. Taking responsibilty for your life means being actively involved in creating it, not just passively reacting to whatever may come your way.

Get some support if you need it, and start from where you are right now. Accept responsibility for your circumstances, and then take action to re-create them. No one else can do this–only you.

Take care,

Jon Mercer, MA
www.easycalm.com

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EasyCalm recently had it’s second birthday online (yay!). I was thinking about how much things had changed since we started out–in fact the entire EasyCalm series received a big make-over last winter, and we’ve added much more content, including many new practical exercises.

 Overall, EasyCalm is now much more complete than when we started out, but we continue to look for ways to update and improve the series. For example, this morning I was negotiating to buy outright a new program to add to EasyCalm that would compliment the training already included in the series. I don’t want to “jinx” it, so I’ll say no more for now (but watch this space).

Likewise, my life coaching program has grown substantially over the past few years–some people need that extra motivation that only a coach can provide. I’m very blessed that things have been so good that I usually have a waiting list these days (it’s nice to be loved. haha :-). But I still make time for “one off” phone coaching sessions and anyone is welcome to contact me at: coaching@easycalm.com for more information on the life coaching program or ”one off” coaching calls.

As we begin our third year online, our mission is exactly the same as it’s always been–to get the word out that panic attacks and anxiety do NOT have to be a permanent part of life. They can just as easily be a temporary glitch that you’ll have forgotten about a few months from now.

All anyone needs are the right cognitive “tools,” and a desire to make a change. As I used to say back in the beginning: give me your attention and a reasonable desire to change, and I’ll give you a life without panic and anxiety.

 It’s just as true now as it was then.

Jon Mercer, MA
www.easycalm.com

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Everybody likes Surprises, right? Many of you may already be familiar with our sister site, AttractAnything.com. I just wanted to let you know about a huge promotion being offered in the next AttractAnything newsletter (out this Sunday, July 15th).

I’ve arranged an amazing One-Day-Only Deal only for subscribers to the AttractAnything Newsletter.

But here’s the catch: I’m not going to tell you what it is! Not yet anyway, but trust me when I say this is the biggest promotion we’ve ever had. You’ll want to check this out….

If you’re not already a subscriber, make sure you sign up for the free AttractAnything Newsletter ASAP, because this special offer will ONLY be made available to subscribers, and ONLY for one day. The new issue is out this Sunday, so sign up now so you don’t miss out!

Take care,

Jon

 Jon Mercer, MA
Personal Development Coach
www.easycalm.com
www.attractanything.com

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I used to almost enjoy dentist appointments. Weird, huh? It helped that I had a great dentist (I say “had” because sadly, he moved away earlier this year). Lately though, I’ve been struggling to keep a positive attitude about my dental visits.

To begin with, I’ve had two root-canal procedures in the past year; the most recent had complications that caused an ”ongoing discomfort situation,” which is evidently dentist-speak for chronic pain.  To pile on a bit more fun :-)  the first root canal brought on an annoying case of TMJ, which is a problem with the jaw joint that causes ringing in the ears, face-aches and a host of other weird and annoying symptoms.

And as much as I ramble on and on about keeping a positive mental attitude (my partner Liz is a saint for putting up with it), I must admit, I’ve had more days than usual lately when this proved tough to do.

I’m not sure what the actual point of this post is,  so forgive me if I ramble a bit. I think maybe it’s about persistence in the face of the little hardships life throws our way now and then. Or maybe it’s about understanding that we all deal with these ups and downs, no matter how positive our outlook may be, and how dedicated we are to walking on the sunny side of the street.

 But either way, one thing is clear: I am absolutely convinced that my recent distress would have been much worse had I not tried my best to maintain a positive attitude, even when it was hard to do, and even when I failed.

The simple act of just trying to stay positively focused is important, and it does help, even if you’re struggling, and even if you fall off the path completely now and then. Tomorrow is always a new day–and we only have to get up and try again. I know it’s a cliche, but that doesn’t make it any less true: it is only by quitting that we ever really fail. As long as you don’t give up, you’re still in the game.

As for me, I’ve already decided the outcome: final score,  Jon: 1, Root Canal: 0.

Game over.

Wishing You Peace,

Jon Mercer, MA
www.easycalm.com 

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Here’s a really common question I get asked: Is anxiety a disease?

Now here’s my really common answer: No, it’s not.

 Those of you who have read my articles before or are familiar with The EasyCalm Series will not be surprised by my answer. But in truth, it’s not only my answer–or my opinion. Hundreds of experts feel the same way. Consider:

 “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy does not pretend to “cure” anxiety…because anxiety is not a disease.”

– Vancouver Coastal Health Anxiety Disorders Clinic
http://www.vch.ca/psychiatry/adc_treatments.htm

Some may be thinking, “So what? Does it really matter if we call anxiety a disease or not? A rose by any other name, right?” Well In my experience, it absolutely does matter how we label anxiety. In fact, the labels we assign to things determine how we deal with them.

If my doctor says I have a cased of the ”sniffles” I will react to that information in a certain way. But if my doctor says I have an “upper respiratory infection,” I’m going to react to this information in a very different way, even though my situation may be exactly the same. The words we use definitely count.

No where is this more evident than in dealing with anxiety and panic attacks. If we use words like “disease” or “disorder” to describe these things, we tend to start looking at them as something that happens to us, something that we have no control over. This kind of “victim” thinking can keep us paralyzed with fear and panic; it makes it easy to develop a belief that the whole anxiety/panic situation is completely out of our hands. Wrong!
 
No matter how you go about it, recovery from anxiety requires the individual to accept his/her role in creating the issue to begin with. It has been my experience that “Until you accept responsibility for your anxiety situation, you’re not going to overcome it.”
 
You also need a method/program that YOU can believe in, one that makes sense to YOU. Of course I recommend The Easycalm Anxiety Coaching Videos, but if you want to use another program, or a therapist, or doctor, that’s fine too. Just as long as YOU feel strongly about it and it motivates and encourages and even inspires YOU to ’see’ yourself living a different life, free of anxiety and panic attacks..

So is anxiety a disease? Nope. Not even close.
 
Wishing you increasing peace, 
Jon Mercer, MA

Personal Development Trainer
www.easycalm.com
Managing Director, Youniverse LLC

PS: For free anxiety tips and resources, don’t forget to sign up for our free newsletter: http://www.easycalm.com/newsletter.htm

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A question that comes up pretty often is, “How do I know if I have social anxiety or if I’m just a shy person?” The fact is, even though there are clear differences between the two, it is often difficult for someone to tell when they are trying to “evaluate” their own situation.

In fact, shyness can appear very similar (or even identical) to social anxiety on the outside, but on the inside, a very different process is taking place.

Social anxiety produces a feeling of being “attacked.” Everyone with SA will recognize the feeling I’m talking about-it’s not just the feeling of being uncomfortable around people; it makes you feel that you must immediately defend yourself in some way, often by getting out of the situation ASAP!

Shyness, on the other hand, doesn’t produce the same “fight or flight” feelings around people. I once heard it described this way: “Shyness can make you feel uneasy around people, but it usually doesn’t physically hurt you-social anxiety can actually be painful to endure!”

The irony is, even though shyness and social anxiety are quite different, they are both based on habits we fall into, and they can both be eliminated by beginning to change these habits.

It strikes some people as odd when I tell them that they are shy or they have social phobia because they have “fallen into” habits that cause them to feel that way. But it’s absolutely true. The habits that produce these feelings (and other anxiety and panic attack feelings) are all based on where and how you focus your attention. That’s right: what you give your attention to will determine whether you suffer with the problems or not.

The worst of these habits is focusing inward. Just like everything else in our lives, focusing inward excessively is a learned and self-perpetuating habit; the more you focus inward, the more it becomes your habitual way of responding to life and the stronger the habit gets.

Of course, the problem with kicking an old habit is it tends to be difficult (the ex-smokers among us can certainly vouch for that). That’s why programs like the EasyCalm Coaching Series and the Social Strategies don’t actually ask you to “drop” any of the habits you currently have. Instead, they ask you to start a few new habits that will “block” the old ones.

The key is to add new habits, not to try to eliminate the ones you have. EasyCalm and Social Strategies are two methods that are both based on this method of eliminating anxiety-but the fact is, everyone who successfully overcomes anxiety problems (and even shyness) uses this method-even if they are not aware of it.

 Jon Mercer, MA
www.easycalm.com

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